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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27462406">A Quiet Kind of Love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/starry_open_curio/pseuds/starry_open_curio'>starry_open_curio</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bittersweet, Episode: s15e18 Despair, Gen, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 17:49:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>661</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27462406</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/starry_open_curio/pseuds/starry_open_curio</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam sees what goes unspoken between Dean and Cas, and it's a kind of love.<br/>Set sometime in Season 15, leading up to 15x18.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>154</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Quiet Kind of Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sam sees all the ways that Dean says “I love you,” without coming straight out and saying it. It’s in the way he cooks for their little family in the bunker, knocking on Jack’s door to tell him there’s pancakes. It’s in the way Dean calls him Sammy even when he tells him to knock it off, which he hates because it reminds him of how Dean practically raised him, and Dean shouldn’t have had to give up his own childhood like that. It’s in the way Dean sometimes sets a glass of water down in front of Cas when he enters the room. Sam thinks it’s because of Cas’s chapped lips; he remembers the days when they used to make a habit of standing a little too close and staring at each other for a little too long, but that’s none of his business. </p><p>It’s been a long time since his brother played the womanizing charmer to perfection. The revved up engine of his youth has started to fade, and it’s been a while since he played up his golden looks and bad boy grin at bars, flying through one night stands like he was trying to win a prize for the most pants dropped. Actually, Sam can’t remember the last time Dean picked up someone at all, or slept anywhere other than his own bed, though he's still fast with the dirty jokes. </p><p>Sam sees Cas’s devotion to Dean, and it’s blinding and pure, though Cas is subtle about it in some ways. He’s learned how to interact with Dean in ways that he’ll accept. When Dean and Cas fight, it’s bad. It’s more charged, more vicious than it needs to be. Cas may be a little angelic still, but he’s a grouchy bastard when annoyed, and Dean is pig-headed, overprotective, and reckless. Maybe they’re good at hurting each other, because they notice everything about each other too. Dean gets the pricey brand of ice cream at the store sometimes, because he noticed Cas likes it. Cas brings Dean coffee in the morning, watches his shows with him, and smiles a soft, fond smile when Dean isn’t looking. </p><p>One night, Sam’s heading into the kitchen for some nut milk when he notices that they’re standing next to each other at the sink, side by side. It’s casual, but the lines of their bodies are close and they’re talking in a low murmur. He stops, and silently retraces his steps to his room. </p><p>He thinks that theirs is a quiet kind of love, that doesn’t need to be put into words. He’s glad for Dean and Cas, for any kind of intimacy they can find, even if it’s not exactly something that can be easily categorized. They’re something more than best friends or family, but he can’t really imagine them holding hands either. Not unless something really shook Dean up, rewired and cut through a whole lot of layers of conditioning there. He knows that Dean needs Cas, and that Cas would follow Dean anywhere, and that’s good enough. </p><p>Sam knows it like he knows the back of his own hand, that Dean and Cas love each other, that it goes deep, and that Dean at least can’t look at it directly. Dean would be plain uncomfortable to hear it, and would probably deny it, cue up some silent internal screaming, or find a reason to leave the room, but Cas fell for him and because of him. The righteous man and his guardian angel, the one who raised him from hell and gave up everything for him. Dean has always loved, sacrificed, and served others above his own needs, sometimes in ways that are tangled up with his own trauma, pain, and fears. Yet his warmth draws people to him, makes them want to rally around him. He is loved, but he doesn’t feel worthy, so he doesn't see it, doesn't see Cas despite all the looking he does.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I had posted a second chapter from Cas's perspective but removed it to work on it some more. I'll post it separately if I finish it. <br/>Thanks very much for your feedback and responses!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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